Hey! I am Alicia, Alison’s daughter, a 15 year old freshman in high school & I stand out. I am told that all the time. According to my teachers, my mom’s friends, and most adults that I meet, I am unusually respectful, responsible, and helpful with children.
The sad thing is, I’m really not that special. I would consider myself pretty normal. I am respectful, responsible, and helpful, but unfortunately, the standard these days is so low, I am considered extraordinary.
And that, right there, is the issue.
The STANDARD is low.
Which is why I get a whole post.
(I still can’t believe my mom let me post on her blog)
My advice to parents of teens: RAISE THE STANDARD.
While I didn’t like my mom’s parenting at the time, I now appreciate that I will be a functional member of society. I will contribute. I have learned (and am still learning) how to act around and with people of all ages and this is because of how I have been parented.
5 TIPS for PARENTING a TEEN
NUMERO UNO (the holy grail of raising a teen):
DEMAND RESPECT! You are the parent! You are in charge! My mom and I get along fairly well because we have a mutual understanding of a line that I WILL NOT CROSS. She expects me to respond when she speaks to me. In fact, I am expected to respond with “yes, ma’am” or “no ma’am.” When I want to do something, I don’t tell her; I ask her by using “May I” and “Please.” I am respectful because she expects it. This is the MOST IMPORTANT of my tips for parenting a teen!
If you don’t require your teenager to be respectful,
they won’t be.
GIVE RESPONSIBILITY! My mom and I do a journal together, Deepen, and there is a quiz called “Responsibility Awareness” that had a list of tasks/chores you will be expected to do when you are finally on your own. I checked off every box. From standard household chores to caring for children (for FREE) to occasionally cooking dinner to mending holes in my siblings’ jeans to planning birthday parties to earning my own $$ – I have a LOT of responsibilities. BUT, I don’t consider that to be a bad thing.
I do these things because I am being taught that this is just what it looks like to be the eldest child in our family. (Plus, I get a seasonal chocolate if I do something REALLY amazing lol). I love my responsibility because it shows my mom trusts me.
Responsibility is really a privilege
so make sure your kid knows that,
whether they like it or not.
DO NOT CAVE! Make sure your teen knows you are serious. We are like wolves – we can smell weakness! So, if you lay down a consequence, follow through. If you threaten no Snap Chat for a week for being disrespectful – mean it. If you threaten no friends over this weekend for not doing weekly chores – mean it. Item 2 of my tips for parenting a teen is pointless without follow through.
Consequences won’t kill your teen
even if they act like they are dying because of them.
CONVERSATE! Have actual, legitimate conversations with your son/daughter! When you listen to them, ask them their opinions, they will appreciate the fact that you value their opinion. ( But, don’t let your teen put you down! Be sure to do this in the context of a respectful attitude. Refer back to NUMERO UNO here.)
The Fifth and Final Tip:
PUSH THROUGH! I don’t always like my mom, but I do always respect her as my mom. As weird as it sounds, I can tell you from experience that if you parent with authority, your relationship will improve. BUT, you have to keep up with this. It is not an overnight fix! Your teen doesn’t know as much as you, and they for sure don’t have as much experience as you.
Before treating your teenager as an adult, expect them to act like one. You are in charge, not the other way around.
Parent my generation
Btw, just because my mom and I have a great relationship, it does NOT mean she never embarrasses me.
Feeling frustrated with your teen? Have you tried all these tips for parenting your teen but just end up angry all the time because you aren’t seeing any results? Check 5 Ways to Break the ANGRY Habit to find out how my mom worked through that!